SWEET NOTHINGS.

“If this must be the end of me then I might as well die happy.” Says Halima as she lets herself to the balcony of my museum of a home.

Under normal circumstances, this would be her speaking but of course not too emotional and dramatic as she is right now.

“Sab! I think I need to sell my phone and all these information feeding appliances and stick to my hard copy texts. At least then I will know just what I’m going to stumble upon during my reads.” Still saying but more of lamenting. Halima has now found herself a suitable position on the hammock in the balcony. The good host that I always am however, is busy brewing some coffee in the kitchen. What’s a conversation with your partner in crime without coffee anyway?

“Bitter woman! Now what has happened?” I say on the verge of bursting into laughter as I struggle to walk steadily with full to the brim coffee mugs on both hands.

“Aki ata hii si story funny. So now the other day I got home from my daily ‘biasharas’ and decided to give my brain a break by going through social media. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular when I began. And after keeping up with my instagram I thought why not light one joint before getting something to eat. Coming to think of it, my appetite has been funny of late. That aside though. After a few hits, I turned on my music and prepared some eggs and tea. Kusema ukweli chai nayo nilipenda.” Says Halima.

At this point I have no clue whatsoever what she is talking about. The bitterness in her voice and distinctive facial expressions too can’t help but allow me adjust my expectations as to where this story might be heading to.

“I cannot tell what the internet has made of me but here I am. Hapa ndio social media na kimbelembele imenifikisha. So after I made my eggs, I headed back to my couch and continued to keep up with society from my phone. This time however I’m going through blogs that I’m subscribed to from my email. You know, your fellow noisemakers then happen to land on one that caught my attention.” Says Halima as she pauses and reaches out for her mug of coffee to take a sip of her now not so hot coffee.

“Eeeeh! Hii kahawa yako ata inanikumbusha tu kimbelembele yangu. At first I wanted to ignore the article but thought to myself what better thing would I rather be doing anyway?” Says Halima.

I’m now really growing impatient with this riddle she has playing in her mind.

“Wewe lakini na hii mwendo unasema hii story, naona itabidi umenunua maziwa ya kahawa round two.” I say so as to get her spitting out her dirt fast.

One thing about Halima, when it comes to money, she will do anything to keep them in her pocket. Unless of course she is buying her joints and cans of beer. But we are still friends. We entertain each other.

“You know with you, patience and gossip are two things that will never come together and just chill. Tho! And as usual, fast forwarding my story. This blog I came across was talking about modern families, how to keep up with being an entrepreneur and how to spend time with your family. Then the entrepreneurial spirit within me led me through it faithfully only to come across Jake’s face. But this time not alone. Beside him was a red headed lady, with a baby roughly one and a half years old, held so beautifully to complete what seemed to me as a happy family portrait.” Says halima sounding very sarcastic.

“Wait!” I say before I burst out laughing. The turns this story is taking are very funny in a sad way but Halima’s facial expressions can’t allow me maintain a serious face.

“Because I know you too well, what did you do after reading the article?” I ask curiously.

“What do you mean what did I do? Google pap! And after that though I wish I assumed that the shot in the article was just a random one of model families used in billboards to advertise how an almost perfect family can get lower rates when it comes to insurance packages and mortgages. But no, it wasn’t. This was Jake’s family. With a photocopy of him for a son held tightly against the wife’s chest.” Says Halima before she releases a loud but sarcastic laugh and then clear her throat to continue, “But do you know why I find this funny? Well, it’s because two days after my ‘research’, Jake calls and requests if I’d mind us meeting. Of course not. How would I? With travelling out of town for business as an excuse as to why he went silent I already admire his creativity. And I’m not even mad at all. In fact I’m very excited to meet him this second time around. To showcase my creativity too.” Concludes Halima as I am left trying to figure out what is going through her mind.