CONFESSIONS OF A DRUNK DAMSEL.

Being away hasn’t really been my wish to you lovely souls that keep revisiting. Allow me however to say that I needed it. But that doesn’t mean you’ll miss out on all has been happening. In fact, kindly take my hand and let’s go down through memory lane.

If you had an insight on the previous article, then you’re pretty much aware of my messy love life. Honestly speaking, two months ago I could have swore that I’m hilarious but reality just doesn’t give one a break that easily. Only that for me it hits hard after writing and laughing at my extraordinary sense of humour into depression.

So a week after my weirdest “break-up” with Liam, I decided why not take up something to get my mind off the reality of singlehood. Given the current cold weather and my constantly hard nipples well, why not. I mean, I could meet up with Halima for coffee a thousand and one times but with these meetings also came along catching up. And to do so, we have to have something to catch right? Naaah! Not with Halima and I. We sometimes meet up to discuss coffee itself. This time however, the inner wanderer in me took off to unknown destinations. Probably in search of some peace of mind. And I believe I took the right bus. One that rode rather too fast to be going to peace.

For starters, I won’t be held accountable for any inappropriate perception you hold onto of how things should add up in one’s life.

Saturday, 10th April. 10:37a.m

I’m not really sure of how I ended up in Nakuru town but here is where I woke up. With a handsome stranger next to me. But before you create a fifty shades of grey scene at the back of your mind, kindly note that we were both fully dressed so no. It didn’t go down. Though some really small part of my aggressive hormones swiftly wished we recreated a kamasutra video.

“Huh! Wake up! Who are you? Where are we and what are you even doing next to me in bed? Where did…” I vigorously wake him up as I keep asking endless questions in confusion with the hope of validation. In the process however he interrupts my blubbering and gets up to grab a seat at the beige leather two-seater adjacent to the bed that I was now in alone.

” Take a chill pill woman! Rain on me rather gently. It’s too early and I’m too hangovered to answer all your questions that quick. But just so you don’t panic a lot, we met yesternight. You requested an Uber and I came for you from where seemed like your home. But from the looks of things, you were very fucked up. Underline the verb very dear.” He says mockingly as if about to burst into laughter but doesn’t.

At this point, my mind suddenly decides to erase every single memory from Friday night. However, I vividly remember getting back home after work and deciding to finish up on a draft I had left pending the previous night. I had been working on an article whose drafts were seemingly just getting worse so thought why not accompany today’s edit with some wine. After all, writing sober only led to being too conservative and over thinking every statement. And it was Friday and that only meant I had no hangover to deal with before work.

” Uuuuhm… Okay! So you’re here with me in Nakuru and…wait a moment. How did we even get here in the first place? ” I ask still very surprised at myself because it’s all just not adding up. How could I have travelled more than 80 kilometers without any knowledge whatsoever? Were my drinking habits getting out of hand?

” Well, I’m not one to judge but you must have had a pretty bad week or there was just something disturbing your peace of mind. And from the confessions you put across during our interaction, saying no to you’re only request to drive you to unknown destinations wasn’t just going to work. Considering you entered my taxi and refused to get out once we got to your first requested destination.” He says before he paused a while to release some sarcastic laugh then continues.

” But allow me to ask a silly question. This Liam guy you kept lamenting about, do you still need us to go looking for him because I’m afraid you might give me a low rating for not delivering complete services. ” he says then smiles turning his head towards another direction.

” Wait! Who did you say again? Okay, first let me laugh very hard before I give you an answer to that. And while am at laughing, kindly prepare yourself. We’re going back to Nairobi. I need you to take me home. Looks like I’ve been drinking a little bit too much. ” I say as I help myself with one of the two new toothbrushes on the bed side. Afterwhich I jump off from the bed and head for the small sink at the furthest corner on the room to clear my obviously then alcohol filled breathe.

” But one thing lady, you’re a fierce soul. And that will take you places. ” he says as he leads the way out of the room we were in. Meanwhile, I hurriedly finish brushing my teeth and head after him. With mixed reactions not knowing how act.

The ride back to Nairobi now seemed rather too long than normal. At the beginning of the journey back to reality, some awkward silence took over for a while afterwards he turned on music. Definitely to reduce the awkwardness which really didn’t work as I ended up opting to sleep all the way through.

Patting my shoulders gently, he wakes me up upon arrival at my gate. The drive sure couldn’t get any longer. I think to myself as I reluctantly awaken to reach for my phone to pay up for his kind services. Only God knows where else I would have ended up.

” But on other nights if at all you feel alone and cold, just hit me up. I know your place baby girl. And I’d love to keep on waking up next to you. I can’t remember the last time I saw someone sleep so mindlessly of their surrounding. You’re such a fierce soul. And I like that a lot about you. ” he says just before I step out of the car and as I walk towards my house, I’m left wondering if that last statement should have a romantic touch to me and why the hell he thought I cared that much about his fierce soul likings. For all I know, I had stupidly parted ways with fifteen thousand shillings just for being a drunk. This should be the place where I say I’ve stopped drinking alcohol for a while. I need to get my shit together.

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